


You make it sound pretty even when it’s not

by Samari1



Series: Winter Holiday 2020 [3]
Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Bucky Barnes & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Bucky Barnes Feels, Ceiling Vent Clint Barton, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Deaf Clint Barton, First Kiss, Getting Together, Lucky is awesome, M/M, Mates, Matt Fraction-inspired Clint Barton, Mutual Pining, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28263195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samari1/pseuds/Samari1
Summary: Clint Barton has a very big secret. He also has a metric ton of guilt related to said secret. Luckily, two weeks away from the whirl of holiday gatherings is just what he needs. At least Nat understands that there are times it hurts to be human. Maybe the newest addition of the Tower family does too?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Series: Winter Holiday 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2066625
Comments: 6
Kudos: 63





	You make it sound pretty even when it’s not

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title and inspiration from: Hurts 2 B Human by Pink feat. Khalid
> 
> I hope you enjoy this little bit of holiday crazy as much as I did writing it. If you want to see more in this universe, please let me know!
> 
> Happy Winter Holiday of choice, if you celebrate!

Clint had a secret. A big one. So big that only five people on the entire planet knew and one of them he hadn’t spoken to since he’d been left for dead all those years ago. There was not even a hint of it in his SHIELD files and he’d damn sure to never allow the docs in the Tower to test his blood enough to figure it out. Luck would have it that all those skills he’d learned in the circus made an excellent cover for the truth. Okay, JARVIS knew too, but the AI didn’t count, right? Nat had threatened to dismantle the AI should anyone, most especially the other Avengers, find out his secret. JARVIS was awesome and had happily kept the secret, even convincing Tony that the vents didn’t need monitoring since only Clint used them as a secondary method of travel throughout the building. Not that anyone other than Nat truly understood why. They thought it was a result of his anxiety and Clint let them believe it. He did need time away, time in the quiet to turn off his aids and just  _ be _ . If part of that was clambering around in a not so human form, well it was not their business. 

His current reason was the loud holiday party going on down in the communal area. He silently padded closer to the vent that looked out over the room and watched the newest addition to the Tower and Avengers. He wasn't a creeper, he was assessing only whether James “Bucky” Barnes was going to out him or not. The other man had pegged Clint for what he was from the first moment. Just as Clint had for him. They needed to talk, but not when everyone was damn well watching and most especially because Steve barely let the man take a piss on his own.

Okay. That wasn’t as accurate as it could be, but there was still a mountain of guilt tied up in the whole thing so Clint didn’t like to think too hard on it. He’d let instinct rule one fucking time, he reminded himself as he backed away. And he’d sent Nat to help explain. One of the perks was that his shitty human hearing wasn’t a factor in this form. He had what equaled a super soldier’s hearing. Which meant he needed to get as far away from the music and loud voices as possible. 

He shifted forms once he reached the vent in the main room of his apartment. In human form, he slid out and nearly tripped over his own feet and Lucky. It had taken him months to find a dog that didn’t immediately freak out in his presence. Yes, it was fucking weird for a wereleopard to own a dog, but Clint had never claimed to be anywhere near normal. He needed touch, all right. Nat cuddled him, in either form, but being touch starved was a thing. Having Lucky helped him so damn much. 

He settled in, tossing the stupid dress shirt and ‘ugly’ Christmas sweater Tony had insisted on for the party over the back of the couch. He and Nat were due to leave in two days. There had, of course, been objections. He didn’t really give a shit. He needed time away and room to run. It had been too long (thanks so much AIM mad scientists, Doom, and Enchantress for being pests the last six months) since he’d had the freedom to just relax. 

He wasn’t too terribly surprised that JARVIS flashed a message on the tv screen that was currently playing one of those day long videos of a crackling fire.  _ Sgt Barnes has asked to gain admittance. _

His aids were on the coffee table, so he grabbed them and had them in and on in under a minute. “Let him in. Wait. No one saw him leave or anything, right?”

“No one except Agent Romanov and she assisted him in his escape.”

Clint was still snickering when the door opened and Barnes loomed in the doorway. “Ya gonna shoot me?”

“Thank you actually.”

Okay, he’d not expected that. “Get in and close the door. Then you can explain.”

Barnes did as asked. “It’s simple. And no, no one knows the truth. They think HYDRA did it as part of their sick fucking program. Stevie is pissy that I’m quicker and stronger than he is, so doubly thanks for that. I do enjoy fucking with him.”

Clint laid his head back and sighed heavily. “I didn’t mean to. Honestly. One minute I was contemplating approaching you and telling you that Steve and Sam had sent us all looking for you and the next HYDRA fucks are swarming the area and I -” he winced. “It pissed me off. My goal was keeping them off your ass, not you setting off some instinct I’d never fucking had before you showed up checking my wounds despite being a huge ass leopard. Not my best moment. Then again, not my worst either.”

“You sent Natalia. It was more than I figure most would do in the same circumstances.” Barnes crouched down to pet Lucky. “How is it he doesn’t react badly?”

“I feed him pizza,” Clint replied dryly. “Seriously, you’re not gonna tell anyone or shoot me for fucking your life up further?”

“No. But, your punishment is me going along with you and Natalia in two days. I’m about to crawl out of my damn skin here.”

Clint had, thus far, ignored the low level  _ hum _ he felt whenever the man was within a hundred feet, but damn it. There was no way he’d be able to ignore it in Iowa where he’d planned on spending most of his time in leopard form. Fuck. Just fuck. That  _ hum _ was the reason he’d fucked up so bad when he’d found James (Barnes, his name was Barnes damn it) in Bucharest. He’d already done enough, the poor man didn’t need Clint lusting after him too. “Hmm. Steve gonna lose all his shit?”

Barnes smirked. “I sicced my therapist on him. He was chagrined. I wasn’t even sorry. Do you know he follows me into the bathroom when I shower?!”

“I wondered. It’s like having a six foot tall Lucky trotting after you. He means well. I - uh - that's his thing, right?”

“Yeah. I’m hiding out here, just so you know.” Barnes threw himself sideways on the comfortable chair Nat had insisted Clint buy. Clint didn’t miss that he wasn’t the only one that had ditched the ugly sweater portion of the wardrobe. “Natalia actually suggested it.”

Of fucking course she did. Clint didn’t bother complaining. Instead he tossed Barnes the remote. Then he gave into the inevitable. “You’ve not said, is it Bucky or James or something else entirely? If we’re spending two weeks in close company, I should probably know that.”

“James is fine.”

Clint just grinned. This wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. Now if that stupid  _ hum _ would just shut up.

\--**--

“Aww, Nat, no.”

She just yanked the Santa hat on his head firmly, ignoring his objections. “It’s purple so suck it up.”

They’d escaped to his safe house in Iowa yesterday. Today, she’d dragged them into Waverly for a tree, decorations, and enough food for a month. Even with the amount of food he and James could pack away. There had been a promise of cookie making (or was that a threat, he wasn’t sure).

Speaking of, the man was doing his murder scowl thing, a blue and brown Sana hat on his head as he checked the tree lights. “I don’t recall this being a part of the program, Natalia.”

Her hat was (ha ha) maroon with a leopard print band and ball. “Suck it up, James. I want a tree and all the cheesy trappings. I got you two away from the holiday madness, you owe me.”

Finished unboxing all the ornaments, Clint took pity on James and went over to help him. “You’ve been exceedingly patient about asking things.”

“You’re tall enough, you’ll have to start winding these.”

Hmm. Alrighty then. Questions were for later. With a sigh, he reached up and hooked the strand of lights to the top of the tree and walked around the enormous tree, only handing it off when James wouldn’t have to strain to reach so he could have some of the fun too. Nat was at the table stringing popcorn and other assorted items she’d insisted were necessary. He moved to help her, smiling brightly. Really, he didn’t mind any of it but it was fun teasing her. Not even with the eight inches of snow outside. He wasn’t a fan, but it was worth it to finally have the freedom to be wholly himself. Sometimes he wished he could just stay in his leopard form, life was so much easier that way.

“You two can go run if you want. I’ll get the fire going and lay out the blankets so you can warm up and dry off when you’re done.” She reached down to keep Lucky in place at her feet.

Clint handed over his string of popcorn and dried fruits, happy to head for the door without questioning it. “Have you mastered keeping your clothes through the shift?”

James finished the lights, snorting. Clint was going to ignore just how adorable of a picture the man made. “Yeah, no. Hopin’ you will help with that.”

“We can work on it. Until then, you can leave your clothes in the laundry room. We’ll go out that way.” He set his aids on the counter, all but bouncing in anticipation.

Clint shifted only after he was sure the other man was ready too. Nat opened the door enough for them to slip out. Clint jumped from the porch already feeling a million times better. James followed and Clint took a minute to study the other leopard, trying to memorize James’ markings and got distracted by the fact that the man's eyes were nearly turquoise in this form. Before he could finish his perusal, James playfully swatted at him and took off towards the barn. Clint raced after. Sad to say, this was the first time he’d ever had the chance to run with anyone else like him. He’d searched over the years, but even when he could sense other wereleopards, he was chased off. 

He was going to have so much fun.

\--**--

Natasha looked out the window, hands wrapped around her cup of tea and smiled. “Well, Lucky, how long do we think they’ll be morons about their feelings?”

Lucky whined, already curled up in front of the fireplace. 

“Exactly. Well, I should get the food going.”

Lucky was up and at her side, giving her the dog equivalent of Clint’s ‘food, yay’ expression.

“You are just like your dad, aren’t you. Come on, I have treats.”

She laughed, keeping an ear out for noise at the laundry room door. She and Clint both loved the holidays, despite his teasing complaints. At least, they loved  _ their _ version of the holidays. She’d known he and James would need time away to be their true selves, so arranging a getaway hadn’t been a problem for her. They could make cookies and watch cheesy movies and have a lie in rather than be up at the crack of dawn like Tony insisted was the only ‘right’ way to do Christmas morning. 

They’d probably be hours yet and that was okay too. Both men needed time. She cranked up the holiday music and started dinner. They’d be starving and it soothed her to take care of her people - not that she’d ever tell anyone that. James had become  _ hers _ like Clint was the moment she’d tracked him down and explained his new normal. The man had been more concerned with Clint’s condition and if he was upset or ashamed. She’d decided then and there he was one of her people. Okay, and how perfect he was for Clint. If only she could just get the two lunkheads to realize it.

“Soft,” she muttered, tossing Lucky another treat. “Both of them. Marshmallows. They need us to watch their sixes.”

She prattled on idly, not caring that the poor dog probably fell asleep somewhere between her recitation of how men were idiots and singing along with Bing Crosby. Natasha could relax here as she couldn’t anywhere else. So, maybe she’d needed time away too? 

It was late afternoon before she unfolded herself from where she’d been reading a book on the couch, smiling at the sound of nails on the metal plate Clint had installed for just this reason. She let them in, laughing in delight at the disheveled, icy messes both of them were. “Wipe your paws, gentleman. Manners aren’t just for your human selves.”

Lucky raced in, sliding to a stop and then tipping his head as if  _ two _ leopards startled him. Poor dog looked utterly confused.

Clint shook off a bit of the encrusted snow and padded slowly over, booping Lucky’s nose. As the two of them circled each other so Lucky could confirm that  _ this _ big cat was dad, she grabbed a couple of towels.

“Let me dry you a bit?” she offered to James, who seemed to be almost cowering by the door. He shook for a moment and then sat. This wasn’t the first time she’d seen him in this form, but he was all but projecting wariness. Much like Clint had when he’d finally admitted to her his most secret truth. 

“I’ll be quick,” Natasha promised, keeping her tone light and cheerful. “You’ll be far more comfortable without all the snow in your fur.”

Clint and Lucky came up behind her, Lucky nudging her arm as I’d to say ‘hey, I want pets too’. “Wait your turn, Lucky. James and your dad are cold.”

Being the very good boy that he was, Lucky made his way back into the main room and she could hear him jump up on the couch and settle in. 

She barely bit back her grin as Clint circled around James, brushing against the other man - well leopard currently - settling James immediately. Hmf. Lunkheads both of them. She made quick work of getting both of them semi-dried off. “Go on, the blankets are in front of the fire.”

The towels were tossed in the washer and she got the load going. Clint would have done it once he shifted back, but she didn’t mind. Natasha checked the oven before curling back up on the couch, Lucky keeping her spot nice and warm for her. Petting the dog idly, she watched over the top of her book as the two leopards curled up together and fell asleep. She’d let them sleep a bit longer and be all cute and shit, but they needed food soon. 

This, she decided, was going to be the best Christmas ever. Especially if she could get the lunkheads to see what was right before their eyes. Hmf. 

—**—

James was warm and safe. Those were the first thoughts as he woke.

Awareness came back quicker than he thought it would. He found himself still in leopard form, curled up in front of the fire with Clint practically blanketing him. Not that he minded. In fact, he couldn’t remember having such an easy sleep before. Not even before the war. He pushed himself to stay relaxed so as not to jostle the other man - leopard - from his sleep. Not even in Wakanda, where him having a leopard form hadn’t even caused raised eyebrows. Shuri and T’Challa had been sanity savers in so many ways. But, even the freedom to slip out of the more populated areas and run or climb trees (which he hoped no one saw his first attempts because they’d been clumsy at best) had not settled the urge, the instinct to get moving, to find the man who’d - by accident or design - given him the first genuine feelings of hope and belonging after all he’d been through. Having a second form had made clearing out the control words even easier. Clint probably didn’t know that the high tech hearing aids and gear Shuri had sent were a thank you, but that had been exactly what they were. 

One of the elders had talked to him one afternoon, James sprawled on a tree limb and the elder in the shade of the tree on the ground below. She’d spoken of gifts and mates and the comfort of finding your place in the world. Fate, she’d said, had crossed his path with the wary archer. Fate had given him the chance at true happiness. Then she’d challenged him to be brave and meet fate head on. 

He’d packed the next day and returned to Avengers Tower. It had been a long (and frustrating) three months of trying to find his place and get Clint to talk to him. Just being close to the blond had settled James’ anxiety. He wished it worked that way for Clint too, but it hadn’t seemed to. His heart broke a bit at that, but he was fucking stubborn and refused to give up yet.

Natalia had understood. She made a habit of showing up and oh so casually dropping intel about Clint's current mission or injuries (somehow she knew he was worried) into conversations all the while keeping the other Avengers clueless as to what she was doing. She was a saint and a menace and he would rip out the throat of anyone who dared hurt her. 

The one time he’d jolted awake, his heart pounding and panic screaming that Clint needed backup, she hadn’t questioned his appearance at her door or his fervency in checking on the blond. Instead, she’d immediately set about demanding information from Hill. The two of them had been given clearance (and James knew from that point to never, ever push Maria Hill too far) and gone to get Clint. Of course, the man had rescued himself and had been in the process of blowing the AIM facility all to hell and back. But, the important point was that Natalia hadn’t questioned him or his need to go along. 

Clint made a huffing sort of noise and moved away. The momentary pang of sadness was shoved aside. Clint had fucking  _ cuddled _ him. That had to be a good step. 

“The food is ready,” Natalia called from the kitchen. “Tony texted. We have to be back Christmas night or Steve will track us down.”

He and Clint both growled. He knew, because Clint had informed him how bright turquoise his eyes shifted to when he had heightened emotions, that both of them probably had glowing eyes. Clint’s, he’d found after carefully watching, shifted to almost a lavender color rather than their usual cornflower blue.

Natalia snickered. “Yes, yes, I’m irritated too. Nothing to be done about it. At least we get a week away. Now, move it, boys, or I eat it all myself.”

In the blink of an eye, James had a very disgruntled Clint sitting next to him where the leopard had been. Unable to resist, James got to his feet and rubbed his head along Clint’s shoulder. He nearly shifted without meaning to when Clint grinned that sunshine grin of his and ran a hand along James’ side. If he purred, well it just proved he wasn’t a moron. Who in their right mind would object to Clint Barton petting them? 

He finally dragged himself away from the blond and padded into the laundry room. He shifted and was dressed in under three minutes. The food smelled amazing. 

“I’ll handle the clean up,” he offered as he rejoined them, sliding into the chair next to Clint without even consciously thinking about it. “I can cook too, Natalia.” He blushed. “I mean, if you don’t mind help in the kitchen.”

She grinned. “I don’t mind at all. Now, eat. You both burned way too many calories out there.” She gave them her ‘don’t question me’ glare. “I’ll be booting you back outside later too. I want to take over the main bathroom and have a nice, long bubble bath with wine and fancy snacks. You two can find something to occupy yourselves with, yes?”

“Yes,” they chorused, sharing a look of delight. 

—**—

Clint had bundled up still in human form. James, on the other hand, had practiced shifting without losing all his clothes. It was a trick that had taken Clint  _ ages  _ and yet, James had finally mastered it day 3. Now they were working on the leaps and jumps. Nat, being the smart ass that he adored, brought out her phone and a speaker and was playing  _ 12 Days of Christmas _ . Any and all versions she had been able to track down apparently, to include heavy metal and death metal covers. She hummed along until the “lords a leaping” portion, which of course she then sang at the top of her lungs. 

“You are a menace,” he teased, taking the mug of warm mead from her happily. 

“You like that about me,” she retorted, retreating to the covered porch and heated blanket she’d brought out. Lucky watched from his nest she’d made, right in front of the space heater at her feet.

Unable to deny it, he turned back to the patiently waiting leopard and the obstacle course they’d set up in the yard. “You should be able to clear ten feet vertically and twenty horizontally. Don’t think I missed your tree climbing skills either, mister. We can go out in the woods tonight if you want to.”

James made a huffing noise that Clint knew by now was a laugh. It made him grin. The man had cornered him yesterday and read him the riot act about feeling guilty over the whole ‘bite and convert you to a shapeshifting leopard’ thing. Clint had then admitted (but he still felt guilty damn it) that he’d stayed away out of guilt once James had moved into the Tower full time. The look on James’ face had finally clued Clint into the fact that the  _ hum _ was a two way street. He must’ve looked even guiltier, because James had bellowed at him over that too. Damn the man could yell. He beat out Nat even. Point had been made.

So, he was trying to adjust his thinking. He watched, slipping the mead, as James happily bound around the course. He was tempted to shift and join the other man. He resisted. For now. He wanted to watch and process all that James already knew and what he needed to assist with. Most of it was instinctual, at least it had been for him. The guilt of leaving James to his own devices for over a year wasn’t something that would go away immediately. No matter how much James (and Nat) wanted it to.

He found himself laughing and clapping when James managed a particularly tricky landing. “Nicely done!”

James jumped from the porch roof, splashing snow all over Clint. A brow rose. He set the empty mug on the step and grinned. “So that’s the way of it, eh?”

The leopard batted at the snow and Clint sputtered, swiping it off his face. He was in leopard form a moment later, batting snow back at James. They raced around the yard and obstacle course trying to land hits of snow and Clint realized that he felt not only free, but happy. He slid to a stop as the puzzle pieces finally fell into place. Shocked at the idea of a  _ mate _ , but bone deep pleased about it, he nearly fell over when the snowball smacked the side of his head. He yelped.

Nat positively roared with laughter, slinging snowballs at the both of them from the relative safety of the steps. He and James switched course, barreling towards her. He was laughing as her eyes shot wide and she scrambled for the safety of the porch. 

He was still laughing when they caught her, landing all three of them in a pile on the snowdrift. Of fucking course, both took care not to crush her, but they were all laughing and rolling around in the snow all the same. It wasn’t until Nat called a halt that Clint, currently pinned to the ground by James, registered that the  _ hum _ had shifted into a low decibel  _ thrum _ . It was almost like a perfectly pitched musical note that felt more constant than the in and out  _ hum _ he’d been ignoring for so long. 

Shifting back, he laid his hands on either side of James’ fucking adorable leopard face. “Sorry for being a clueless moron.”

A huff and then James sprawled, in human form, on him. “You just needed time, sunshine. That I’ve got plenty of these days.”

“Inside, you lunkheads! Shower or bath for the both of you. Pneumonia is a thing.”

Ignoring her, James leant down lightly brushing a kiss over Clint’s mouth. It sent an electric thrill though Clint and he rolled them, not yet ready to let go. “What do you say to a nap after our shower?”

James smirked, looking every inch the menace Clint knew he was. “Wasn’t planning on sleeping, sunshine, but I’ll happily share your bed,” he quipped, yanking Clint down for a second, more thorough kiss.

Nat’s huff and muttered, “Bruce owes me ten bucks,” barely registered. 


End file.
